What Do You Mean I'm Not Funny?
by mkthomson
Summary: Follow James, Fred, Scorpius, Rose and Albus in their last few years at Hogwarts. Perhaps it doesn't go as smoothly as they hoped, and there's the odd little hiccup along the way, but that's what friends are for, right? There's regret, happiness, stupidity and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, not to mention firewhiskey and a certain Mister Malfoy. SMRW, but not entirely focused on them.


**A/N: Well, this is my first Next Gen fanfic, and it's gonna be a long one, let me tell you that now. It's going to cover what the Next Gen kids get up to in their last year/two years at Hogwarts, and will be from various POV's. This is likely to be the only chapter with POV changes in it, but each chapter will be told from a different character's perspective. There will be OC's, but they won't have huge parts. Just to clear things up now- Scorpius, Rose and Albus are sixth years, and James and Fred are seventh years. Lily and Roxanne are fourth years. The other characters will appear, don't worry! The main pairing in this fic will be Scorpius/Rose, though it won't focus entirely on the mean time I hope you enjoy, please read and review and I promise there won't be huge amounts of author notage again! Thank you and enjoy!**

* * *

"What do I think?" Albus Potter muttered to himself, chewing the end of his quill distractedly. He sat at one of the tables beside the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, though now the hearth was nothing but a few crackling embers. He scowled at the empty piece of parchment in front of him and sighed. "I think Charms is bloody pointless that's what I think."

"I'm not too sure Flitwick would like that," A voice chimed. Al looked up to see Rose Weasley, Al's fellow Gryffindor and academically gifted cousin, striding towards him, her nose crinkling as a smile spread across her face. She flopped down in the chair across from him and stared at him for what felt like forever whilst he scribbled a few lines of what was probably utter rubbish down on the parchment.

"What do you want?" He said at last, putting his quill down and leaning back in his chair. He knew exactly what she wanted, though Al didn't feel like letting his cousin just assume he'd do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. He also wanted to see her beg for a little while.

"You know what I want Al," She grinned, prodding him with her foot under the table. "Come on Ally, we've both got a free period and I'm boooored," Rose slumped forward, placed her arms on the table and rested her head on them. "Let's do something."

"I've got a charms essay to write Rosie, and at this rate-" he motioned to the parchment in front of him. "-I'm never going to get it done."

"Ergh," Rose groaned as she stood up and began to walk away. "Guess I'll go have all the fun on my own." She called over her shoulder and mockingly wiped an imaginary tear from a bright blue eye. Albus pursed his lips, and his eyes shifted from Rose to the parchment, and back to Rose again. Truthfully, he wanted to tear up the paper, throw the little bits in the air and join Rose in whatever trouble she was going to cause, but the tiny ounce of goodness in him told him to stay and finish his essay. _You can do it later_, a small voice in the back of his head teased,_ Or just don't do it all._ He liked the sound of that, and with a smile he crammed his stuff back into his bag and ran after Rosie, the Fat Lady swinging shut behind him.

"What do you want to to then?" He asked breathlessly when he caught up with her. She must of sprinted or something when she left, as she was far down the corridor when he finally reached her. Rose greeted him with a giggle, and she swung her arms as she walked. The shortest, and perhaps the angriest of the Weasley's, Rosie always radiated confidence and a don't-mess-with-me-or-you-won't-wake-up-tomorrow attitude. Al never told her, but she could be quite unfairly mean and more often than not, the fiery redhead lashed out for no reason. He loved Rose though- she was surprisingly easy to like for such a bitch, and she always helped him with any homework/essays/girl problems that Albus had.

"I was thinking we could hunt down James and Fred, maybe terrorise a few Ravenclaws, hide some dungbombs in Malfoy's bag- oh! We could hex his broom..." She continued, though Al stopped listening. It always boiled down to Scorpius Malfoy, and the Slytherin boy was nearly always the target for her jokes and not a day would go by that they wouldn't argue. Al had no idea where their hatred-but-in-a-friendly-joking-manner came from, but Al sure wished it would end soon. He always ended up with the brunt of their arguments, with either Rose or Scorpius going to him to complain about the other. Al always hoped they'd either have hate-sex to get it out of their systems, or just stopped talking to each other completely because when they got going, they _really_ got going. He quickly shook the notion of Rose and Scorp having hate-sex, or any kind of physical contact aside from pushing and play fighting, out of his head. The idea of them having anything but friendly feelings towards each other not only made him cringe seeing as Rose was his cousin and Scorpius was his best friend, it was down right ridiculous!

Rose wasn't Scorp's type anyway. Rose was pretty and she had amazing hair, but Scorpius Malfoy tended to go for tall, large-chested, not so smart rich girls with more money than sense. He always had a group of girls giggling over him and following him around, and though Scorpius flirted outrageously with them, occasionally used them for the physical benefits, he never actually dated any of them. He just liked to know he had girls interested. The egotistical, charming bastard. Albus wasn't the jealous type, but he couldn't help but be a little envious that his best friend, as well as his brother James, got all the girls all of the time. It got frustrating when girls would only talk to Albus because by befriending him, they could talk to Scorpius.

"Al? Albus? Ally?" Rose clicked her fingers in front of his face, snapping him out of his thoughts. He tried not to snigger at her, the idea of her and Scorpius being a couple near enough made him cackle. "Were you even listening to anything I was saying?"

"Yes!" He lied. "I'm offended that you would think I wasn't paying attention to you and only you." Albus may not have Rose's loudness or Scorp's charm and he could be a bit on the quiet side sometimes, but he was a sarcastic little shit and could certainly hold his own. "Okay, maybe I zoned out for a couple of seconds- a minute at most. I'm not bothered what we do anyway, just get me away from my damned work."

"Maybe if you did it when you were supposed to, you wouldn't have to spend your free periods wasting away in the Common Room or the Library," Rose frowned at him then pulled a horrified sort of face. "Oh Merlin, I sounded like my mother! Don't ever let me do that again Al, the responsibility of me not becoming like my mother now rests upon your shoulders," She patted his shoulder lightly then set off down the hall at a skip, her wild red hair bouncing. "Come on Potter, we've got work to do!" Shouting carelessly over her shoulder, Rose laughed and with an exasperated sigh, Albus raced after her for the second time that day.

* * *

"Potter! Weasley! Where, exactly, are you going?" Maisie Thomas shouted, her voice echoing up and down the corridor. The damned prefects were everywhere now, and this was the third time James and Fred had been stopped by one. Fred took it all in his stride, carelessly and shamelessly flirting with any female prefect they stumbled across, but James couldn't help but get a little irked by their constant pestering. Sure, he and Fred had a little bit of a reputation for being troublesome, but the prefects didn't have to be like prison guards- they weren't that bad, were they?

"Bugger off Thomas," James grumbled as the girl came to a halt in front of them, blocking their path down the hallway. "We've got a free period anyway."

"Which should be spent catching up on homework, studying or sitting quietly, not galloping around the halls like utter prats. You're both seventh years as well, shouldn't you have N.E.W.T revision that needs doing?" Maisie crossed her arms over her chest, her pretty brown eyes looking them up and down in a scrutinising, judgemental way.

"One," Fred started, a playful smirk tugging at his mouth as he looked from James to the prefect in their way. "You're awfully mean for a Ravenclaw, I thought you were all brains and no balls," James sniggered, though Masie's ice-cold glare soon silenced him. "Two, my lover and I were on our way to the library to begin our ever-so-important N.E.W.T. revision and three, Fred Weasley does not gallop- he glides." Fred then stood up on his tiptoes and leaped past Maisie dramatically, his arms and legs outstretched like an incredibly ungraceful ballerina. At his best mate's display of idiocy, James let out a loud cackle and even Maisie chuckled, rolling her eyes at Fred. It wasn't exactly a lie either, they were going to the library, though they certainly weren't going to revise.

"You and your lover best get a move on then, Weasley, before I change my mean Ravenclaw mind and get McGonagall," The prefect girl moved out of the way and James passed with a thankful grin. He strode after Fred, who was already "gliding" down the hall.

"Oi! Thomas!" Fred turned round when James caught up to him, and walked backwards beside his friend. Maisie turned, an unamused expression on her face. "Your skirts a bit short for a prefect, isn't it?" Fred smiled and winked at the blushing Maisie, who tugged at the hem of her skirt angrily.

"What in Merlin's name was that mate?" James asked once they had turned the corner and were out of earshot.

"What?" Fred asked, shrugging innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

" "Your skirts a bit short." Bloody hell Fred, I know subtlety was never your strong point, but don't make it too obvious." Pushing his glasses further up his nose (a habit his sister had always scolded him for) James watched as a blush spread across Fred's cheeks.

"I have no idea what you could possibly be suggesting Jimbo, and even if I did I wouldn't want to discuss this hypothetical theory of yours with you because it's none of your business." Fred kept looking straight ahead, the door to the library was suddenly much more interesting than it had been a moment ago.

"But you don't know my theory," James argued, taunting his best friend playfully. Fred would never let something like this drop easily, and so neither was James. "So you can't say you wouldn't want to discuss it because you don't know it."

"Your theory is that I "like" Maisie Thomas- which I don't- and that my "painfully obvious flirting" was in fact, painfully obvious," Fred tutted, pulling open the door to the library with a sigh. "After you my lady." James entered the library. The only noise to be heard was the constant sound of quills scratching parchment. There was, of course, the occasional whisper, but it was hardly as noisy as the Common Room.

"It was pretty obvious though mate. I mean, you're an obvious flirt anyway but Merlin, that was-" James didn't have a chance to finish as Fred cut him off quickly.

"Silencio, my love." Fred whispered far too loudly, cutting James off with a swipe of his hand. "Let us venture into the land of knowledge and find the elusive Lilyus Potterus and the rare but nerdy Roxy Weasleyus." Fred pressed a finger to his mouth and pointed upwards, towards the upper levels of the library. James nodded in compliance and followed Fred silently, already grabbing a handful of Whizz Poppers from his bag, a mischievous grin on his face. His little sister Lily spent the majority of her time in the library with Roxanne, Fred's little sister, and though he loved Lily, she was a pain in the arse and it was his job as Older Brother and Prank Extraordinaire to make sure her time at Hogwarts was hell. He cast aside all thoughts of Fred fancying Maisie, and hurried up the stairs.

* * *

Scorpius was reading on the upper level of the library when he heard the bang. He'd been sitting peacefully in one of the plush red chairs with a mug of hot chocolate and a copy of the Quibbler on the table beside him. In one hand he held an old and battered copy of _The Dark Arts and It's Uses _and with the other he stroked his cat, Delphine. The loud bang shattered his peace, and Delphine practically leapt off his lap and disappeared amongst the shelves. The sudden noise was followed by some girls screaming below him, and a teacher began to shout. Perching on the edge of his seat, Scorpius considered joining the rest of the students who hurried to see the chaos that was undoubtedly unravelling below him. He didn't have time to choose, as a laughing, red-faced and out of breath James and Fred raced around the corner. They spotted Scorpius and threw themselves into the chairs next to him, both boys grabbing a random book off the shelves around them.  
"What the fuck did you do?" Scorpius inquired, a smile spreading across his face as he watched the two boys collect themselves and get their breath back.

"Well," James panted, his messy black hair sticking up all over the place and his glasses sliding down his nose. "Yesterday, after both of our pain in the arse sisters were, as you can imagine, pains in our arses, Fred and I-"

"Being the geniuses we are." Fred interjected, carelessly turning the book over and over in his hands.

"-came to the conclusion that the library is a quiet and boring place, but it is a place where our fourth year sisters often frequent. We have loads of Whizz Poppers left from last year, which I'm sure you remember very well." Scorpius nodded, he remembered it quite well.

Last year, when Scorpius was a fifth year and a prefect, and Fred and James were sixth years, they'd come up with the seemingly brilliant idea of putting as many fireworks they could get a hold of in as many places they could. As it turns out, they could get hold of a lot of fireworks and Fred's father was very happy to supply them with what they asked for. It also happened that there were a lot of places in Hogwarts to put their newly gained stash, one of said places being under Rose's bed. They had waited until everyone was moving from their third period to lunch when James had cast a simple ignition charm, which made the entire castle erupt in an explosion of colours and bangs and crackles. From a non-academic point of view, the whole thing was rather spectacular, and the only student they came across that had a problem with their little show was Rose. "I'll butcher you Scorpius Malfoy!" was what she had screamed at him when her bed exploded. James and Fred were in hysterics when she chased him round the castles, shouting curses and hexing him whenever she got close enough. Scorpius had to admit though, the look on her face had been priceless, and the three weeks of incurable zits and arm punches every time she saw him was totally and utterly worth it. The only real downside to their plan was that they had to clear up the mess they had made and that Scorpius lost his spot as a prefect. Scorpius liked to think that the Great Firework Explosion was the beginning of his best friendship with Fred and James, and regardless of the fact they were in the year above him, he very much considered them to be his best friends, alongside Al, of course. And he guessed to a certain extent, Rose.

"Anyway," Fred continued, leaning back in his chair. "We decided to throw some Whizz Poppers at our pain in the arse sisters. They screamed, we laughed, then we ran away and now we are here with you."

"James Potter! Fred Weasley!" A voice shouted shrilly. "I know you're in here!"

"Shit, bugger and bollocks," James muttered, quickly opening the book he had and holding it up in front of his face. Fred and Scorpius did the same as footsteps grew closer and closer. Professor Clearwater, the teacher Scorpius had heard shouting earlier, appeared from behind a shelf. She was the head of Ravenclaw and History of Magic teacher, and though she was young, she demanded respect. It wasn't until Clearwater stood looming over the three boys, that Scorpius noticed she had a squirming Delphine in her arms.

"Mister Potter, Mister Weasley, did you or did you not set throw Whizz Poppers at your siblings?" She demanded, her grey eyes icy.

"No, Miss, we were up here studying." James replied, though he didn't look up from his book. "Are Lily and Roxy okay?"

"They are shaken up and scared but unharmed." The Professor looked from Fred to James, her eyes narrowing and her lips pursing. "Why is it I don't believe you?"

"Honestly Professor Clearwater," It was Fred who spoke this time, and he did so with such conviction that Scorpius had to remind himself that they were in fact the ones who attacked their siblings with Poppers. "Both James and I have been up here studying. Though we heard the banging and the shouting, we didn't take part in the attack. Is Roxanne okay? Maybe we should speak to them?" Fred closed the book and placed it on the table. He stood and hoisted his bag up onto his shoulder."I'm gonna kill whoever did this." He muttered under his breath. Clearwater opened her mouth to say something. _Shit,_ Scorpius thought, _She doesn't believe you..._

"Professor," Scorpius interrupted. "I've been with them this entire time. We've been studying," He showed her the book he was reading. "See? James and Fred didn't do anything." Clearwater stood for a moment, her analytical gaze boring into each boy.

"If I find out it was you though boys, you will be in an immense amount of trouble." She made to leave, then turned on her heel and held Delphine out to Scorpius. "Don't let your cat come in the library, Mister Malfoy. The wretched beast nearly knocked me over when I was coming up the stairs." Scorpius gently plucked the squirming cat out of her arms and nodded. It wasn't until Clearwater had strode away that the three of them began to laugh and made their way out of the library, completely ignoring the evil looks from a simply raging Lily.

* * *

Rose and Albus were on their way to the library when they practically crashed into James, Fred and Scorpius. "What did you do James?" Al asked as soon as he saw the look on his brother's face. James and Fred then erupted in laughter and Scorpius was chuckling.  
"What did you do?" He asked again, his eyebrows furrowing.

"What's the matter Malfoy?" Rose asked, glancing down at the angry looking cat in the Slytherin's arms. It irritated her to no end that she had to look up at him to speak to him, and he often purposefully towered over her when they were arguing. "Cat got your tongue?"

"That is hilarious Weasley," He grinned smugly. "Truly original. Must of taken you ages to think of that." Sarcasm coated his words, and Rose could already feel herself getting angry. Instead of letting herself turn beetroot as she usually did when she was angry, she simply rolled her eyes.

"Oh, I'm truly hurt. Your words are like a knife to the heart. Truthfully, I'd much rather be stabbed than stand here talking to you, Scorpius." She grinned, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm sure that can be arranged, Rose." He scowled at her for some time, his steely grey eyes churned blue as the sunlight filtered in through a nearby window, then his face softened and he smiled. "Coming to Quidditch try-outs on Friday?"

"Wouldn't miss it. Gryffindor is so gonna kick Slytherin ass again."

"Yeah, okay, in your dreams Weasley." He laughed, and put the wriggling cat in his arms down. "Off you pop Delphy." The cat rubbed around his legs and purred, and Rose struggled to hold in her laughter as she imagined the hundreds of jealous faces of the girls in the Scorpius Fan-Club. It was ridiculous, Rose knew that, but she was utterly sure that there would be at least three girls who would be jealous of the cat rubbing itself on Scorp's legs, and she was utterly sure there were at least thirty girls who would like to rub something else. _Ew_, the voice in the back of her head squirmed, _that's gross , but gross._

"What did you do?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. James and Fred were teasing Albus, who was just rolling his eyes and sighing loudly. He'd clearly got nothing out of them, and occasionally the two would start laughing again.

"_I _didn't do anything, they, on the other hand did." He pointed towards Fred and James, who were currently in fits of laughter. Al looked to Rose and mouthed a silent 'help me why are they laughing' to which she replied with a shrug. "Listen up Ginger," Scorpius grimaced, putting his hand on Rose's shoulder and turning her away from the library. She elbowed him playfully in the side for calling her Ginger- she hated that nickname almost as much as she hated Rosie. "If I were you, I'd stay away from Roxanne and Lily for a day or two. They're gonna be pretty pissed. Let's just say that the library is no longer a Whizz Popper free zone."

"Holy shit, James, did you throw Poppers at Lily again?" Al sighed, and he turned away from the library. The five of them started to walk away from whatever chaos Fred and James had started in the library, though Rose was positively certain that no matter where they wandered to, trouble was definitely going to follow.


End file.
